Monday, November 5, 2012

Vampire Diaries Post Mortem - The Five

And once again I am late with my post mortem, but to be honest—this week it was because I didn't think I could type it without saying "I hate Stefan" every other line. But boy, let me tell you—as much as I have not cared for Stefan in the past, the episode "The Five" is really testing my last nerve with him.  Oh and as for Bonnie? She's still dead to me for what happened to Grams, but she still managed to irritate me in this episode.

Let's discuss…

Bluffy the Vampire Slayer's Origins

So Connor has no idea how he became a slayer—he was in the military (explains his bad ass fighting technique and his no holds barred attitude) and someone died and voila, he got the tattoo. I'm presuming he could see the tattoo on the other guy. Now—I want to pause here to ruminate for some reason bringing up Iraq and Connor's service there and the other slayer adds a really nice layer of reality to our fantasy in Mystic Falls. Damon fought in the Civil War and we can assume the boys were in some way involved in later conflicts.

Now that said, I am not Connor's fan. The man gutted April to chum the waters in that very first episode. This does not a hero make. This is a fanatic on a crusade. The fact that Klaus kept him alive to learn more about "the cure" so he could turn Elena back into a blood bag—yeah—not feeling the love.

And I'd like to go on record right now and say that cure is probably another large bait and switch ala the Curse of the Sun and the Moon. Speaking of which…


Five seconds of dialogue with Elijah just reminded me of how much I miss my favorite original. Klaus and Rebekah do not do it for me. Their arguments are old and petty. I get it, Klaus has sabotaged Rebekah's happiness and she's allowed it and in turn sabotaged his for over a thousand years. They are the ultimate in dysfunctional relationships.

I did feel bad for Rebekah when Alexander daggered her and yes, I had a good laugh when Klaus smiled that the daggers didn't work on him—he woke and ripped all their hearts out. We also found out how Finn ended up staying in a box for a nine hundred years and where the Originals got the daggers in the first place.

Let's Make a Deal

So Stefan pushes Klaus to tell him about the Five and ends up striking a bargain to help Klaus solve the riddle, find the clues and get to the cure so he and Elena can be human and they can have kids and grow old together and die together—and yes, turn Elena back into a blood bag so Klaus can make more hybrids.

I read somewhere that someone applauded Stefan for thinking ahead, but me, I just see him thinking like a douche. He hates what he is. He hates that Elena is a vampire. And he's making decisions without consulting her. He's making plans with her life, her future and tying them to a mad man who has proven TIME AND AGAIN that you cannot trust him.

Yeah, I hate Stefan.

Murder Party

Meanwhile, Damon and Elena tagged along on Bonnie's trip to college. Damon shows Elena how to choose a victim, because some people are just easier to manipulate than others. She can compel them to forget and to not feel pain. She can feed and no harm no foul.  Even when she refuses the first target because she sees the picture of the little sister, Damon rolls with it and looks for another way to hunt.

Murder Party at a frat house—douche central. Elena's compassion is her weakness, so hunting jerks may make it easier for her. She picks out her first target—a guy who roofied a girl's drink. They head off into a dark corner and she feeds. Damon is never more than a couple of steps away and he stops her when she almost goes too far and she sends the man away. Elena's a little drunk and rightfully so—the baby vamp has been starving for days.

The party ramps up and she's smiling and laughing and dancing. Seriously, when was the last time we really saw Elena happy? She's never happy with Stefan—no because he's always moody and somber and chiding her for enjoying things.

It's going great until Bonnie walks in and gives Elena the "stare."  Yes, how dare Elena find any joy in her existence. She should be sad and miserable like Bonnie and Stefan—because they made stupid choices and are now reaping the consequences. Elena's mistake was being born a doppelganger—yes, she should suffer for it.

Speaking of Bonnie—way to go outing yourself to ANOTHER COMPLETE STRANGER. Woman, do you never learn? And as we find out later the hot Professor is the man that sent Connor to Mystic Falls in the first place. 

She Is Just Like Me

In the end, Damon was right. Elena is just like him and the reason he isn't a ripper is because he's learned to revel in what he is. He can feed and not kill—because he chooses not to—because he doesn't hate himself. Elena's still struggling and Stefan just feeds that self-loathing. Yes Stefan, Elena will kill because she won't learn what she needs to while you continue to make her doubt and hate herself.

If anything this episode illuminated to me exactly why Damon is better for Elena—he empowers her to empower herself. He dares her to be better and stronger and more focused. Stefan cripples her and makes her dependent and weak—just like him.

This episode disappointed me. I'm tired of the constant brush strokes that paint Damon "bad guy" and Stefan "good guy" because the writers tell us that is so—it's not what they are showing me.

What did you think?


  1. I think Stephan is a major douche and I'm kind of hoping that when Klaus backstabs him, he's using a good, dull stake.

  2. I'm so glad you wrote this post! I've been dying to complain about TVD for days. I'm so very tired of the Damon bashing. How long can Elena constantly tease him, use him and hurt him before we tune out? Seeing her rush into Stephen's arms made me physically ill. Must stop watching this show!
    What am I saying, as long as Damon is on, I'm watching. I just hope the writers do understand the anti-hero can be the greatest hero of all.