Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Counting it down to Runaway Groom : Eight Redneckified Fixes

Folks in my small town tend to make do quite a bit. Why go out and buy something fancy when you can simply fix it with things you have laying around?

That said, here are Eight Sure-Fire Fixes that I have tried and love. 

8. Pepsicola will fix everything.

We don’t drink pop in my house, not usually. We do however use it for quite a few things. Did you know that you can dump a can of pop in your toilet and wait a bit and flush and it cleans it sparkly clean? Also great for road haze, that waxy buildup on your windshield. You just dump a can on the windshield during a good heavy rain and – bam! – All better.

7. If it’s loose, use some duct tape.

I’ve used duct tape for so many things, it is ridiculous. I could give a list, but suffice to say…just duct tape it and it will be FINE.

6.  If it’s tight, use some WD-40.

Named after the formula, Water Displacement 40 is handy for almost as much as duct tape. Door squeakin? WD-40. Need to get that paint off that thing? WD-40. Kid colored with crayon on your wall? WD-40.

5. If it is smelly, use a lemon.

My sons will just eat them raw because they’re weird, but my first unusual use for a lemon was to pull off the peel and stick it in my flute case to make it smell better. It worked, brilliantly, and can be used for all musical instruments that I know of. You can use it to clean your cutting boards or other wood implements in the kitchen. You can use it to chase off ants or other creepy crawly critters. You can squirt it on apples or avocados to keep them pretty. When you’re all done, you can settle down with a nice glass of lemonade. 

4. If there is a hole in it, fill it with toothpaste.

Don’t tell my old landlords that I filled nail holes with toothpaste, but their walls are minty fresh and holeless and I tend to get my deposits back for my pretty former homes…

3. Flowers like booze.

Dump some vodka in your cut flower vase, take a good swig and then wait. You can drink some more if you want to while you wait, but they should perk back up for a while anyway. Plus, they just look better after you drank some vodka, don’t they?

2. EVERYTHING likes alcohol...

You can use rubbing alcohol to remove sharpie from non-porous, unpainted things (like a fax machine. *whistles*) or you can squirt them with hairspray to get it off. You can also use alcohol to clean mildew off your leather. If it is a jacket, just wear it to a party where folks are sloshed and they’ll dump stuff on you and you’ll be good as new…if smelly.

1. Get you some butt cream…

No, seriously, I learned this one back in my days of modeling. Hemorrhoid cream removes redness. Just dab a bit on your face if you have a zit or whatever. Another modeling trick was to tape things you didn’t want to fall out…like your boobs to your shirt. Just sayin.

Are you from a small town? What shortcuts/fixes do you use?

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